Miscarriage Part One


You would never think it would happen to you.


I have never experienced something so traumatic. Five days it took. Five days of heavily bleeding out, contractions, passing of clots and finally the fetus. . I bet you have never really thought about the details in what happens in a miscarriage. Nether have I. You’d never think it could happened to you yet here I am telling my story.


I was returning from a mini vacation with my Husband and two Children and started spotting. The spotting got a bit heavier and that is when I decided to make a OB-GYN visit. The Doctor said “that’s a lot of bleeding” I remember him asking the Nurse for “gauze… more gauze.. okay a lot of gauze” There was what looked like a puppy pad beneath me on the chair I laid out on that I continued to bleed on. I felt like I had lost the baby with the amount of bleeding. “How could it possibly survive through this?” I thought. Holding my breath and wishful hoping the Doctor did an ultrasound and found the baby in my womb still with a heartbeat, a strong one at that of 106. I was 6 weeks 5 days pregnant! I was so thankful and happy and blissful to see my baby and hear it’s heartbeat for the first time. The Doctor said the concern for him was that the sac measured a little small. This is about the time that my Husband passed out on the floor. Shit just got real. The seriousness of this while I was bleeding out then hearing the sac measured small which was a serious concern just got even MORE serious when I saw my all-together Husband who is the mentally always in control and level headed one fall to the floor. I turned to the Doctor after my Husband returned to state of mind and asked “Okay Doc, I have been trying to mentally prepare for the worst .. give it to me straight.. what are my chances here?” He said, when you called this morning I would have said 50/50 with the amount of bleeding BUT because we’ve heard a heartbeat your chances are very good, 70/30. I walked out feeling like I should tell myself to be positive and not to get upset because the percentage was on our side but I knew better. It wasn’t 24 hours later that I started my miscarriage. It started with terrible lower back aching, blood - so much blood, passing clots, contractions - bad contractions then tissue then my baby. The miscarriage of when the contractions started to when they ended was a total of five days. Bleeding with clots and some tissue still continued for another two days after that.

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When you think of a miscarriage, not ever having one yourself, I just think about the Doctor explain to someone that they have had a miscarriage and the family is in turmoil but that is about the extent of it. You don’t think about the details.

I wasn’t suppose to have a miscarriage. My percentage was so low yet not even 24 hours later, contractions started and I’m in the bathtub bleeding out scooping up clots and tissues that could be my baby. Anytime I went to pee on the toilet I tried not to push too hard yet clumps would still come out as I stuck my hands in the toilet trying to find my baby. I wasn’t in anyway prepared for a miscarriage. I knew nothing of the signs, symptoms or what I would go through. My Doctor gave me zero information on this . All I had was the internet which I would be researching nonstop for the five days while having my miscarriage. I read 1 in 5 women had miscarriages yet there was SO little information regarding miscarriages. I must have come across the same 4 articles over and over again. Why when so many Women go through this yet there is so little information?

I wasn’t mentally prepared for having a miscarriage. I would have liked to think about what room setting I would have wanted to pass the baby in. Instead, I was on the toilet peeing trying not to push too hard but yet my baby passed through. I was lucky in the fact that I caught the sac in toilet paper but next is something in the days before I wouldn’t have thought about… now what? What do you do now? I have the sac, my fetus, my baby wrapped in toilet paper.. now what? It isn’t like the Hospital will take in the fetus and cremate not until the baby is a certain amount of weeks old so, now what? My Husband said that he remembered his Mother had hers’ in a jar. I chose to do just as she. I chose to put all remains in a clean mason jar that I had downstairs and fill the jar with water like a “womb like state” and drop the sac with my baby inside. I decided I am going to pick out a beautiful plant to pot and bury our baby inside. I don’t want my last memory to be of trauma, I want it to be of beauty.

Why am I choosing to talk about this? Because one in five women will be going through this. It doesn’t matter if you had healthy pregnancies in the past. Heck, I have had two perfect pregnancies prior and my third I miscarried. I am choosing to talk about this because there is so little information out there which is shocking in todays time. Why is miscarriage a taboo thing when so many women go through this? It needs to be talked about. The next blog post will be a deeper detail for those who are currently going through miscarriage. I will give you as much detail and what to expect information as I possibly can. I plan to write this post within the next two days.

Kelsee Van NusComment